Charlie Hebdo: Taoiseach Enda Kenny's Gold and Liliaceous Statement


Politicians love to take the high moral ground, especially because they spend most of their time lying and implementing the unethical agenda of the masters. Events like the Charlie Hebdo massacre are excellent opportunities for them to declaim from the pulpit, and distract from their own malfeasance. 'Murdering journalists is bad! Those people are savages, how could they trample on our exquisite Democracy? Why do they hate our Liberty, which we love so dearly?' It is an opportunity to further reinforce the mythology of a Free Society, and Enda Kenny - the ambitious statesman that he is - is not one to let it pass.

In our solidarity we show the agents of such destruction that to us their actions are anathema, their propositions absurd ...
Together, as Europeans, may we nourish our democracy, protect our liberty, cherish our way of life.
” - An Taoiseach Enda Kenny, Paris, January 2015.

How wearisome is it when we are more accustomed to our most beloved ideals being used as soundbite seasoning than being expressed in earnest - let alone actually being embodied by the society we live in? Political life is fake, and we expect it to be fake. The politicians are just so shocked that anyone would do such a thing. Where did it even come from? Well don't ask that, but they had nothing to do with fomenting the conditions for its expansion anyway. Iraq, Afghanistan, Abu Ghraib, (Shannon), speak not of it. The barbarians are on the loose and there's no time.

Such ideal-touting is not only meant to destroy idealism, by making us choose between ISIS and 'at least it's not ISIS', but make us proud for doing so. At least we can cherish what our societies pretend to be, and Enda is helping us do that.

Enda: 'Speechwriter, craft me a eulogy, extra-poetical, post-haste! I want them to think I am JFK Mandela telling the Balrog he 'Shall Not Pass!''

Speechwriter: 'Of course Mr. Kenny. Will I make it full of lofty triads, stuff like dignity, tolerance, humanity, liberty, life, democracy? And mix it in with the stuff we don't like, like hatred, extremism, equality, democracy, terror, freedom, etc? Obviously throw in some thing about Light too, I know you love that.'

E: 'Yes, and do the light thing, it went down a storm in my stately Christmas address. Also make it nice and historic sounding, at least enough to make Reeling In The Years.'

S: 'Sure, sure. So I guess I'll skip over the blasphemy law in Ireland then, especially since an outcome of the Contitutional Convention was to host a referendum on it, but the government has no plan to do that within its term of office.'

E: 'No, don't mention that, the unreasonable people don't understand how tough it is to make such tough decisions and how difficult it's been for the government. They jumped out in front of my feckin' Audi by Jove!'

S: 'Grand, and I'll obviously hop right over Direct Provision, that wouldn't go down well.'

E: 'I said 'As Europeans', it's not even relevant!'

S: 'Got it. Now for 'our way of life', I was thinking of saying some good words about how the international water privatisation is coming to Ireland, about how Market Competition for commodities is what it means to be Human.'

E: 'Jaysus, take a pass on that. Market competition is the essence of our humanity - that goes without saying - but I'm saving that for my victory speech when we crush to opposition to Irish Water Ltd.'

S: 'OK I get the picture, I won't mention that abortion legislation which changed almost nothing, the constantly widening wealth inequality, our perennial inaction on climate change, the concentration of media control, that we've the 2nd highest child poverty in the OECD, the rocketing suicide rate, us re-criminalising the purchase of sexual services, that whole banking debt peonage thing, EU bureaucracy, and the way we don't really, exactly, live in a democracy as such per se, letting US warplanes use Shannon so they can bomb and torture predominantly Muslim countries entrenching and spreading violent Islamism, and so on.'

S: 'Whatever. Can I hold a broadsword in the air while I say the speech?'


Here is Enda Kenny's full statement:

'Today we march to show that Liberte, Egalite, Fraternity are written, not alone on the history and monuments of the Fifth Republic but in the hearts and minds of the people of France and our European Union.

Voltaire wrote that 'tolerance is the consequence of our humanity'.

And today we march here in his city to defend that tolerance and humanity against the hatred and extremism that would dismantle and destroy them.

In our solidarity we show the agents of such destruction that to us their actions are anathema, their propositions absurd.

The city of Paris has known revolution, occupation terror, old and new.

Yet today in defiance of history old enemies march here to defend the values of respect, freedom, dignity and tolerance.

Values, this week so-well recited by the living so-well practised by the dead that even in the depth of darkness they confirm the city of Paris as the City of Light.

And today as we march through its streets or join in on screens across the world we are, all of us, its citizens we keep and live in its light.

Je Suis Charlie, nous sommes tous Parisiens.

Today, I say to President Hollande and his government and to the people of France and of our Union - may our presence and witness here deepen our sense of brotherhood and sisterhood.

Together, as Europeans, may we nourish our democracy, protect our liberty, cherish our way of life.

And in the face of terror may our humanity sustain us and renew us. May it be as shattering as our sadness and our silence on this January day.'